“You are what you can’t stop doing.”
What is it about compulsion that is so maddening? Perhaps it reveals the illusion of control, or maybe our lack of attention. Whatever it is, it’s useful to recognize our impulsive behavior as a place to cull dire life consequences.
I doubt that true agency is as present as we are taught. We don’t have to be talking about addiction or condemnable behavior to realize our shortcomings. In fact, maybe this is where our will—or lack thereof—is most apparent. We ARE the habits we perform that hide in the nooks and crannies of our everyday life. Our recent retreat from Social Media platforms—as a business—has already illuminated so much of what we hypothesized but were too cowardly to attempt earlier; we become what we hang around. I have no interest in selling diet tea, or increasing one’s fame through poorly made philosophy bulletin points, so why would I hang out (virtually) with those that do?
This infers that there is a good and bad, a hierarchy. However much I want to disagree with the notion, I have to admit there are people I don’t want to become and very few that I find worthy of modeling a life after. I need to navigate a world in which the certainty of a “truth” leads many astray, a landscape that convinces us that pitfalls are peaks. We exist in an uncanny valley, of which the map is most definitely not the terrain.
As a practice, we teach that you should not look up to someone. Looking up infers also looking down to. This hierarchy might feel like a natural consequence of ability, and to a certain degree, it might be, but ranking others is a trap that puts yourself in between those you despise and those you glorify. You become stuck because your impression of greatness is wedged between the disappointment you have in yourself and the place you imagine is better.
How good are you if all you are is NOT those you find fault with?
It’s like congratulating yourself for not stepping in a puddle—the celebration of adequacy.
As someone who pokes their head just above average to see what the world looks like, I am full of disappointment, apathy, and hope, hope that recognizing my compulsions will reveal the path towards altering them. That trying to comprehend why I am stuck will be a better use of energy than being angry that I am stuck.
