Rethinking Alcohol, Social Norms, and Personal Autonomy

photo: Mike Thurk

The question of alcohol came up in the forum with regards to the Quest for the Hyper Trophy program. I gave my two cents and realized that I get this question enough that it is probably worth posting.

When it comes to alcohol, I’m probably not the best person to ask for advice—but for some, my perspective might be useful. I used to drink socially, but I eventually quit. The decision wasn’t dramatic or rooted in a specific event; it was simply a realization that I didn’t want other people dictating my choices. This had to do with how I felt after drinking but also during, as orders get placed and there is a real disappointment if you don’t drink with someone. The realization opened the door to a much larger conversation about autonomy, habits, and the subtle ways our environment shapes us.

To be clear, I’m not here to demonize alcohol or suggest that it has no place for you. For some, it can be a harmless indulgence, and for others, it might even enhance certain experiences. But I do think it’s worth taking a deeper look at why we drink and how it fits into our lives. If you genuinely enjoy drinking, then by all means, continue. But if you’re drinking to make others comfortable or to fit in, that’s a red flag worth examining.

This principle extends beyond alcohol. Take eating out, for example. I don’t let other people choose where I eat. That might sound pretentious, but I’ve noticed that many people don’t care where or what they eat, while I do. They’ll eat whatever is convenient or offered, and over time, they become a reflection of those choices. They feel terrible, look terrible, and often don’t realize how much of their well-being is dictated by external factors. I first noticed this while working on movie sets, where people would resign themselves to eating from the Crafty truck simply because it was free or convenient. It was a stark reminder of how easily we surrender control over something as fundamental as what we put into our bodies.

When I step back and look at the bigger picture, it’s clear that one of the easiest ways to control people is through their food and entertainment. These are the pillars of daily life, and they shape everything from our health to our social interactions. Alcohol, as a part of this equation, deserves scrutiny.

Alcohol and Social Expectations

If you’re considering cutting back on drinking, ask yourself: what will you really miss out on by not going out for drinks? Sure, there’s camaraderie and the occasional sense of letting loose. But what do you miss out on if you switch to sparkling water instead? Unless you genuinely enjoy the feeling of drinking, it’s hard to justify. And if you do enjoy it, that’s fine—just make sure it doesn’t derail your goals or become a habitual crutch.

Drinking habitually, whether daily or just on weekends, is a slippery slope. If your workweek is so miserable that you rely on alcohol to make life meaningful, the problem isn’t the lack of drinks—it’s the life you’re trying to escape. In that case, the solution isn’t more alcohol; it’s a deeper change. Quit your job, find new friends, have an existential breakdown if you must—but don’t let alcohol be the band-aid for a life that needs fixing. Alcohol, in the long run, will only make a poor life feel even more impoverished.

To be clear, I have watched alcohol ruin more lives than I’ve seen it enhance. By a long shot. I also don’t have a pull to it and I realize that if you do, no logical argument will alleviate that.

If you do choose to drink, make it intentional. Save it for the right occasions—celebrations or meaningful moments. Drink early, leave early, and prioritize recovery. Surround your drinking with healthy habits: eat protein, get a good night’s sleep, and move your body the next day. Sweat, lift weights, go for a walk—whatever it takes to not allow one bad habit turn into many.

The Cultural Push for Alcohol

We could dive into the details of choosing “clean” liquors or how effervescents might help shuttle alcohol through your system, but honestly, that’s just enabling a practice that’s already over-validated by our culture. The fact that so many people are constantly trying to figure out how to make alcohol “work” in their lives is telling. It’s an acknowledgment, however subtle, that it doesn’t actually work all that well.

By now, you might find yourself in one of two camps. The first camp is shaking their heads, feeling attacked because I don’t share their enthusiasm for something they “just like the taste of.” But here’s the thing: people who claim to love drinking often hate drinking alone. There’s a social pressure to evangelize alcohol, to make sure everyone is participating, or else the vibe is ruined. That, in itself, is worth questioning.

The second camp—the one this might resonate with—is taking inventory. They’re realizing that drinking doesn’t feel as good as they thought, and in many situations, they’d actually prefer water—they certainly would prefer waking up without the after effects. And here’s a challenge: if you can’t give up alcohol (or sweets, weed, or stimulants) for even a short period, like 12 weeks, what does that say about its role in your life?

Alcohol and Social Connection

I’m not trying to be preachy. I’ve worked with a wide range of people, from casual drinkers to habitual ones, and my conclusion is simple: alcohol doesn’t add anything useful. It doesn’t make you better in any meaningful way. If you like it, more power to you. But I find it interesting that so many people feel the need to justify it, to make it “fit” into their lives, as if they know deep down that it doesn’t. This very piece is written as a reply to someone trying to find meaningful change in their life and wrangling with habits that are not serving them.

Considering the social implications of refusing to drink is important. I’m an extreme extrovert, and even I can’t stand bars or clubs. They’re loud, awkward, and not conducive to meaningful connection. Not drinking has actually improved my social life because it’s forced me to find activities that foster real connection. Training, for example, is one of the most potent social activities you can do. It brings people together in a supportive, goal-oriented way, and it’s far more fulfilling than shouting over music in a crowded bar.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, this isn’t about demonizing alcohol or judging those who drink. It’s about taking a step back and asking yourself what role it plays in your life. Is it something you genuinely enjoy, or is it something you’ve been conditioned to accept as normal? Does it align with your goals, or is it holding you back? These are questions worth asking—not just about alcohol, but about any habit that shapes your life.